#Truth

I've got a good man, and I know it. I've had to tongue kiss a lot of frogs' buttholes to find him, and I'm well-aware that he's the best thing that's ever happened to me. Have you told your loved one how much they mean to you today? This week? This month? Make it a habit. You'll be surprised at how happy it can make both of you.

Love, The Luckiest Woman

Racist Redneck.

Since I can't read the news without seeing Yosemite Sam's face: Taxpayers have been paying for this ultra-rich idiot's cows to graze on public land, and not his own land. How does this make Cliven Bundy a hero, and not a criminal? Is it because of his shoot-em-up attitude, and his disdain for paying fees to use public land as his personal livestock feed supply? A few conservatives, like Rand Paul, jumped on his bandwagon and called him a hero, and a patriot. Last I checked, true conservatives constantly try to protect liberties, while recognizing that you need laws in order to make that happen, and keep the peace. What Cliven is doing isn't abiding by the law. In fact, he's breaking it...repeatedly. Even Glenn Beck called him a terrorist, and THAT is saying a lot.

You can't just determine that something is illegal because it's inconvenient for you. Cliven says his family has owned it since before 1880. Well that's interesting, because in 1864, the state of Nevada passed a law stating that it is public property, and that all of the ranchers got together and agreed upon it. Oh, and one more thing, public records show the Bundy family moved there in 1948, not before 1880. Water rights were transferred from the former owners only to the ranch, and not the public land surrounding it. Court records also show Bundy's family cattle didn't start grazing on that land until 1954. but at this point in his false argument, that's really neither here, nor there. The Taylor Grazing Act of 1934 specifically states that the issuance of a grazing permit does not confer any right to graze or right to own the land. It's a privilege, and the regulations were set in place to protect the land against overgrazing, and soil deterioration.

And now my favorite part: Good ol' boy Cliven's views on "the negro" (as if referring to a species of animal): He thinks black Americans were happier under Jim Crow, they also found themselves off the porch, and out of the abortion clinics. UM...let me offer a small preface before I quote this idiot. *I cannot, and will never, tolerate racism* In my opinion, my mother was the strongest woman of her time. I was raised by a woman who picketed, marched, wrote letters, and fed people who fought for civil rights, and equal rights for women. She did a REALLY good job raising me. This is the reason that my blood boiled while listening to these words fall from his lips, like diarrhea from someone's asshole, after eating at a fast food chain that he sells his welfare cows to:

“I want to tell you one more thing I know about the Negro: In front of that government house the door was usually open and the older people and the kids, and there is always at least a half a dozen people sitting on the porch, they didn’t have nothing to do. They didn’t have nothing for their kids to do. They didn’t have nothing for their young girls to do. And because they were basically on government subsidy, so now what do they do? They abort their young children, they put their young men in jail, because they never learned how to pick cotton. And I’ve often wondered, are they better off as slaves, picking cotton and having a family life and doing things, or are they better off under government subsidy? They didn’t get no more freedom. They got less freedom.”

Yes, he ACTUALLY said that.

In other news: Rand Paul tries to set world record for fastest backpedaling.




















Cliven the Jackass even went on to tell people that he felt Martin Luther King and "Rosa Park" (yeah, PARK) would have been supporting him right now. It must be nice living in La-La Land!

That's called doing your research before backing a racist and his merry band of psychotic, ignorant, and in all reality- anti-patriotic assholes.

*drops mic*

The Ass In Class.

Not that there is anything classy about Kate Moss, but this made me laugh. All this twerking nowadays- I'm from Miami. WE INVENTED IT. We've been dropping it, shaking it, and popping it since 2 Live Crew. Trust me, we looked like a sad bunch of dayshift strippers a LONG time before anyone else did. Best recognize! HAHA!

How Many Assholes Do We Have On This Ship, Anyway?

Being a makeup artist is the best job I've ever had. I love doing it and I will never stop! I work for the best line, and I'm inspired daily by my coworkers. However, being a personal assistant can be pretty amazing, too.

Boss: Jen, I think I have a hemorrhoid.
Me: Immediately pulls up Google Image Search
Boss: I'm in a lot of pain, and I need to see a doctor.
Me: Is this what it looks like?! Cool.
Boss: Yes! Research some doctors.
30 minutes later
Me: Ok, I got you an appointment.
Boss: Great!
Me: I made sure he is twice your size, and has sausage-like fingers.
Boss: You're an asshole.
Me: Man, someone has 'Roid Rage!
Boss: Aren't you just hilarious?
1 day later
Boss: Ok, I went. I need you to research wipes with no fragrance or chlorine.
Me: I'm on it.
Email:
Me: Try These. Includes link for wipes PS. I'm truly honored to be researching things that you wipe on your butthole. Please let me know if I can be of further assistance.

Because Satan.

Mephiskapheles, my beloved Churchill's Pub, April 4, 2014

Arya...You Are Zee Best.

Dany, Jon, and Tyrion: you're pretty amazing, too.

Fight, My Sisters!

Your bodies are YOUR BODIES! Never forget it!

So, I'm IN Love With Tonks.

I cannot wait to start wearing the Nymphadora Tonks necklace that Jahida made for me with my sweet lightning bolt earrings. Dork? No doubt. Proud? Absofuckinglutely.

Ding Dong!

I sincerely hope a bevy of bodacious drag queens parades outside of that hospital singing, "I Will Survive" at the top of their glorious lungs. I hope they're wearing so many rainbow colored sequins that it blinds his hateful and hideous cult followers. Technically, that isn't celebrating someone's death, the way that these disgusting monsters do. Instead, it's celebrating their own lives, minus this asshole bothering them any further. Sashay away, Phelps. I feel absolutely nothing for you, which is probably a lot nicer than how other people feel about you. You did that to yourself. 

RIP Sweet Louie, and Sweet Egon.

When I met Pablo, he introduced me to the sweetest little Netherland Dwarf that I ever knew, Louis. I got to live with Lou for a long time, and he became another one of my fur children. Luna was also quite fond of the little guy. We lost Louis 2 weeks ago, and Pablo and I were devastated. Losing a pet is like losing a family member, and Pablo and I both adore our pets more than anything in the world.

Louis was a 10 year old bunny. He lived longer than most bunnies do, because Pablo knew how to care for one correctly. Unfortunately, most rabbit owners do not, and lose their pets mainly due to their dietary needs not being met.

I did something last weekend, which I NEVER do, and something that I regret completely. I went to a breeder. Pablo and I wanted to get a baby Netherland Dwarf, like Lou, because we wanted to litter train the new baby. Luna was surprisingly happy to have a bunny around, and our vet suggested that we get another companion for her after losing her friend.

We went to a small ranch, where a couple and their son were selling Netherland Dwarfs (the smallest breed of rabbit), Holland Lops, Flemish Giants, and Lionheads. They also had Australian Shepherd puppies, and various birds. I didn't like how all of the animals were in cages, because that depresses me.

The directed us over to the area where they kept the bunnies, and we played with them and chose Egon. He was cutest baby bunny that I've ever seen in my whole life. I instantly fell in love with him, and took him home to the castle that we had gotten for Louis. Egon had all of the fancy rabbit toys and food that any rabbit could dream of. He seemed to help fill the hole left in our hearts for our beloved Louis, although no animal could ever take his place. Each animal is special to us in their own way.

The weekend rolls by, and we had both been under the weather, and were pretty much stuck at the house. We snuggled that little baby bunny like we hadn't snuggled an animal in our lives. He was comfortable with us, loved to sleep against my neck, and loved to explore. I was in love with Egon. Completely. Then he got sick. VERY sick.

Egon had diarrhea two mornings in a row, and I took him to work with me. Pablo's brother Danny took him up to the rabbit specialist that we speak to in Deerfield Beach. An hour after Danny dropped off Egon, for what I thought would be a quick diagnosis and fix, he passed away. He had a sickness that baby animals get, and the breeder hadn't picked up on it. We called the woman, who seemed to be running the operation, and she said that we shouldn't pay for him to be put to sleep (he died on his own), and that we can come get another one. She said she deals with it "all the time." Cold.

When you deal with people who use their animals' genitalia for a profit, you're dealing with some seriously disconnected "human beings." They don't see them as the beloved pets that we do. They see them as fucking dollar signs, and have NO problem using and abusing their animals for cash. I don't know why I thought she might have been more sympathetic, I really don't. I used to work next to a puppy store, and I would hear them throwing crates of sick purse dogs into the back of their store. Don't fool yourselves into thinking your puppy mill dog is a happy and healthy animal who isn't severely inbred and full of ailments. Save a healthy mutt. They're rarely inbred, have less health problems, and live longer. They're right down the street in your local animal shelter and are looking for a warm forever home. They know when you save them, and will love you infinitely.

I don't give a shit what anyone wants to tell me: They are all the same, in one way or another. These people don't love animals. If they did, they wouldn't be in that business. Plain and simple. They're right up there with the pieces of shit who give "Easter Bunnies" to their kids, then dump them off somewhere a month later. Same goes for people who get animals, then give them away when they're bored or tired of taking care of them. A pet is a commitment, which is why Egon's passing right after Louis' destroyed us.

I will ALWAYS have a place in my heart for both Louis, and Egon the Angel Bunny. RIP my two fine gentleman. My other beloved pets will take care of you in the great animal beyond. I love you both and will miss you infinitely. Love, Mom.

Egon 1-19-14 to 3-11-14.

My little angel.

Tonsillitis.

My tonsils look like purple golfballs. SUCKS. I'm working remotely from home on what I CAN work on, and hopefully my nasty throat nonsense will be gone for our friend's wedding this weekend! My sweet lover is getting me my beloved Sedona Tortilla Soup from California Pizza Kitchen. I told him I would go, even though going into public, while sick, isn't half as fun if you aren't contagious. Oh well, I'll do my best...

Secede Already.

Disgusting. Spread LOVE not hate. Stop taking steps BACKWARDS, America. You're making us all look bad, and it's pretty humiliating. If you are incapable of growing a heart, grow a brain. For a group of people who like to refer to our president as a Nazi, you guys sure like to oppress people for what they believe in, and for openly trying to be who they are. Are segregated water fountains the next step for you, Arizona? Can we just let these guys secede already? You know they're still crying about losing the war.

The Anti-Defamation League, a longtime champion of religious liberty and an opponent of the bill, points out just a few of its potential consequences:
"This allows any public employee adhering to an extremist religion, including Nation of Islam, Christian Identity, or Odinism to refuse providing service to an Asian, White, Black, Jewish or Hispanic person."

I Collect Spores, Molds, and Fungus.

RIP to my dearest Harold Ramis, one of my beloved comedy heroes. You may not have been a Gatekeeper, or a Keymaster, but you truly were a god. RIP, Harold Ramis. I grew up with you in my living room. You gave me SO many of my favorite comedies, and I'm forever grateful for it. I can rest easy knowing that so many of my other beloved SNL and SCTV comedy gods are taking care of you on the other side.

Drop A Bomb On Arizona.

Congratulations, Arizona. Your ignorant bill has solidified my views about how this country is going to hell in a tacky and hateful handbag (and they say FLORIDA is fucking stupid). This makes me want to frolic throughout their restaurants and churches dressed as the most exquisite drag queen in a rainbow-colored dress, adorned with neon pink crucifix shaped dildos, poppin' rainbow confetti like Rip Motherfucking Taylor, himself.

Broad City

Upright Citizens Brigade. Street Performances. Andee. Me. Win.