How Many Assholes Do We Have On This Ship, Anyway?

Being a makeup artist is the best job I've ever had. I love doing it and I will never stop! I work for the best line, and I'm inspired daily by my coworkers. However, being a personal assistant can be pretty amazing, too.

Boss: Jen, I think I have a hemorrhoid.
Me: Immediately pulls up Google Image Search
Boss: I'm in a lot of pain, and I need to see a doctor.
Me: Is this what it looks like?! Cool.
Boss: Yes! Research some doctors.
30 minutes later
Me: Ok, I got you an appointment.
Boss: Great!
Me: I made sure he is twice your size, and has sausage-like fingers.
Boss: You're an asshole.
Me: Man, someone has 'Roid Rage!
Boss: Aren't you just hilarious?
1 day later
Boss: Ok, I went. I need you to research wipes with no fragrance or chlorine.
Me: I'm on it.
Email:
Me: Try These. Includes link for wipes PS. I'm truly honored to be researching things that you wipe on your butthole. Please let me know if I can be of further assistance.