#Truth

I've got a good man, and I know it. I've had to tongue kiss a lot of frogs' buttholes to find him, and I'm well-aware that he's the best thing that's ever happened to me. Have you told your loved one how much they mean to you today? This week? This month? Make it a habit. You'll be surprised at how happy it can make both of you.

Love, The Luckiest Woman

Racist Redneck.

Since I can't read the news without seeing Yosemite Sam's face: Taxpayers have been paying for this ultra-rich idiot's cows to graze on public land, and not his own land. How does this make Cliven Bundy a hero, and not a criminal? Is it because of his shoot-em-up attitude, and his disdain for paying fees to use public land as his personal livestock feed supply? A few conservatives, like Rand Paul, jumped on his bandwagon and called him a hero, and a patriot. Last I checked, true conservatives constantly try to protect liberties, while recognizing that you need laws in order to make that happen, and keep the peace. What Cliven is doing isn't abiding by the law. In fact, he's breaking it...repeatedly. Even Glenn Beck called him a terrorist, and THAT is saying a lot.

You can't just determine that something is illegal because it's inconvenient for you. Cliven says his family has owned it since before 1880. Well that's interesting, because in 1864, the state of Nevada passed a law stating that it is public property, and that all of the ranchers got together and agreed upon it. Oh, and one more thing, public records show the Bundy family moved there in 1948, not before 1880. Water rights were transferred from the former owners only to the ranch, and not the public land surrounding it. Court records also show Bundy's family cattle didn't start grazing on that land until 1954. but at this point in his false argument, that's really neither here, nor there. The Taylor Grazing Act of 1934 specifically states that the issuance of a grazing permit does not confer any right to graze or right to own the land. It's a privilege, and the regulations were set in place to protect the land against overgrazing, and soil deterioration.

And now my favorite part: Good ol' boy Cliven's views on "the negro" (as if referring to a species of animal): He thinks black Americans were happier under Jim Crow, they also found themselves off the porch, and out of the abortion clinics. UM...let me offer a small preface before I quote this idiot. *I cannot, and will never, tolerate racism* In my opinion, my mother was the strongest woman of her time. I was raised by a woman who picketed, marched, wrote letters, and fed people who fought for civil rights, and equal rights for women. She did a REALLY good job raising me. This is the reason that my blood boiled while listening to these words fall from his lips, like diarrhea from someone's asshole, after eating at a fast food chain that he sells his welfare cows to:

“I want to tell you one more thing I know about the Negro: In front of that government house the door was usually open and the older people and the kids, and there is always at least a half a dozen people sitting on the porch, they didn’t have nothing to do. They didn’t have nothing for their kids to do. They didn’t have nothing for their young girls to do. And because they were basically on government subsidy, so now what do they do? They abort their young children, they put their young men in jail, because they never learned how to pick cotton. And I’ve often wondered, are they better off as slaves, picking cotton and having a family life and doing things, or are they better off under government subsidy? They didn’t get no more freedom. They got less freedom.”

Yes, he ACTUALLY said that.

In other news: Rand Paul tries to set world record for fastest backpedaling.




















Cliven the Jackass even went on to tell people that he felt Martin Luther King and "Rosa Park" (yeah, PARK) would have been supporting him right now. It must be nice living in La-La Land!

That's called doing your research before backing a racist and his merry band of psychotic, ignorant, and in all reality- anti-patriotic assholes.

*drops mic*

The Ass In Class.

Not that there is anything classy about Kate Moss, but this made me laugh. All this twerking nowadays- I'm from Miami. WE INVENTED IT. We've been dropping it, shaking it, and popping it since 2 Live Crew. Trust me, we looked like a sad bunch of dayshift strippers a LONG time before anyone else did. Best recognize! HAHA!

How Many Assholes Do We Have On This Ship, Anyway?

Being a makeup artist is the best job I've ever had. I love doing it and I will never stop! I work for the best line, and I'm inspired daily by my coworkers. However, being a personal assistant can be pretty amazing, too.

Boss: Jen, I think I have a hemorrhoid.
Me: Immediately pulls up Google Image Search
Boss: I'm in a lot of pain, and I need to see a doctor.
Me: Is this what it looks like?! Cool.
Boss: Yes! Research some doctors.
30 minutes later
Me: Ok, I got you an appointment.
Boss: Great!
Me: I made sure he is twice your size, and has sausage-like fingers.
Boss: You're an asshole.
Me: Man, someone has 'Roid Rage!
Boss: Aren't you just hilarious?
1 day later
Boss: Ok, I went. I need you to research wipes with no fragrance or chlorine.
Me: I'm on it.
Email:
Me: Try These. Includes link for wipes PS. I'm truly honored to be researching things that you wipe on your butthole. Please let me know if I can be of further assistance.

Because Satan.

Mephiskapheles, my beloved Churchill's Pub, April 4, 2014

Arya...You Are Zee Best.

Dany, Jon, and Tyrion: you're pretty amazing, too.