Little Grandma

Update (Sunday, April 29th): They just put her on Morphine, so I'm at Baptist. When we got here, her mouth was dry and she had a hard time swallowing. We had such a beautiful day together yesterday. Pablo insisted on coming with me, and she was really happy he came. He helped me with some hard things yesterday like a champ. We all laughed together, and she told all of us how much she loves us (Pablo, too). She cracked hilarious jokes until we left last night, and Pablo said it's because she's from a different time, when everyone had something clever to say. She really is a tough woman.
 
I wore my Mae West bracelet to the hospital yesterday, and she told Pablo and I about the time that she and my grandfather sat next to Mae West in a New York Nightclub *Mae Blog*. I'm so glad I brought it. I'm so glad that I've gotten to listen to all of her stories about being a fashion reporter in New York City in the 1940's, meeting Estee Lauder and Coco Chanel, and how she shared a hair stylist with Elizabeth Taylor. I can tell you right now that there will never be a woman with more intelligence, grace, and sass than Blanche Sterling.

"Boy, that Mae West was some broad!" -My Grandma.

I love you, Grandma.



Update (Monday, April 30th): RIP Grandma. I love you SO MUCH.

Don't Try Me.

Can't Go Wrong.

With a name like Lucille.

Because Alcohol.

Poorhouse Adventures!



Andee and I practicing the lift from Dirty Dancing...again.



Lovahs.



Angelic Singing Voices!



My wife.

Don't Fuck With Jean.

...'cause you'll get burned by a giant telekinetic dick.

ME ME ME!

The reason for all that is Kabuki in my life.

Because Porn.

 

That awkward moment when you're watching internet porn, and you don't realize that a secret webcam pop-up is behind your browser. You later realize it's there when your guests have arrived, and you hear a slut screaming like an alter boy at the Vatican coming from your laptop while trying to discuss your taxes. #pervertproblems

Hey Hollywood.

There was only one, and will only ever be ONE Marilyn Monroe.

They Just Wanna, They Just Wannaaaaaa!

Q. What would I ever do without Jyl Marie Louise Conchita Brown Hartin?
A. Die.



PHOTOBOMB!



RZA + GZA

Panama!

So Van Halen was fucking amazing, and I got to ooh and ahh over my Eddie! I love that I can rock out to Panama with Pablo and know that he's kicking just as much ass as I am! Tasty and his girlfriend got us Sunset Terrace seating, so we had free food and beer the whole night! We also ran into Janette, Jean, Lisa, and Raul after the show so I got to kick it old school with some SBs before leaving the Bank Atlantic Center.

Sthuddenly Stheymoah.

You tell 'em, Rick.

Shower Jams.

I cannot even begin to think about how many times I've performed this for myself.
Wardrobe, Styling, Choreography and all.




Marilyn + Ella. My Ladies. Great Friends. Pure Love.

Easter Basket

Reese's Eggs (my very favorite)
Star Wars toys (including a frozen Han)
Something my mom got me every year (totally cried)
...on Orange and Green Easter Grass, for my beloved UM.

He knows.

Friday the 13th: Fiesta En La Piscina!

Nerd Alert!

Hey X-Men movies, Psylocke wasn't an Asian teenager. She was a voluptuous British broad, and took her brother's place as Captain Britain. While she was Captain Britain, Slaymaster kicked the shit out of her and left her blind. Then she swapped souls with Kwannon, because Kwannon's dickhead boyfriend wanted to use Betsy to save his stupid brain-dead girlfriend. Therefore, she was asian only as an adult. Get it right, mkay?

ah-thank you.

4SOME.

1. Pablo needs to make eye contact for longer than a minute, while looking serious.
2. I need to smile like I just got a Barbie and The Rockers set. Open mouth, no teeth.
3. Andee needs to give high fives.
4. Michael needs to take 30 pictures.

Ok, I think the next taco party is going to be phenomenal. Tonight, I'm starting the latest mission...I hope Andee giggles when I smash her fingers in a mouse trap.



Ps. I hope Andee is done with the video.

Monjee Madness!

I miss my little rude girl ska show days! Damnit. I'M SO FUCKING OLD.



Monjees and Against All Authority show at The Alley in Miami.
Ah, to be a 19 year old, living with a ska band.

GAMEOFMOTHERFUCKINGTHRONES

John Snow and Arya Stark (my faves)

Because I Love Them.

Best Friends!

EYEHATEGOD at Churchill's Pub.