Sigh.

I have a super crush.

Tightrope.

little girl: what's a hard-on, daddy? I heard amanda say it, and she won't tell me what it means.

clintfuckingeastwood: well, darling, it's...it's...when a man is attracted to a woman...he likes her, understand?

little girl: no.

*I like how I can mention, "A Clint Eastwood movie with an Oil Wrestling scene," and Pablo knows that it's Tightrope within 3 seconds. That's the kind of shit that makes a girl proud. Well played, sir...well played.

Run Along.

Merry Fucking Christmas!

It's nice to be grinning like David Johansen in Scrooged on Christmas. Where on earth did you come from? Where have you been hiding?! Hmmm...



I miss you, Mom. VERY much.

Gullicalf

aaaaaaaand, just because it's hilarious:

8th grade slow-dancing, ass grabbing, and ear-blowing with The Coreys.
When will the pictures of Gianna's wedding STOP!? hahaha!

Thanks, Erika!

Ah, The Beltones show. Thanks for the pics, Erika!


Redheads! Rachel and Erika.


The best shit, is friendshit! I love Ryan.

Meeeeeeee.

Big Fucking Bopper.

Another night at The Poorhouse with Andee: Not only did we reenact the scene from Saved By The Bell when Jessie Spano flips out on caffiene pills, but we also did Flashdance. This brings me to question why I haven't broken up with vodka yet.



And now, some gratuitous Corey Haim action:

How Right He Is.

You Will Be Missed.

HBO...quit playing with my emotions.

Good Times.

And Goodnight.

Drunk History vol. 2.5 - Featuring Jack Black from Jack Black

"Heeeeey, we lit a fire together and we made some chicken pot pie. We made a couple of drinks together, maybe I could fuck you."

Just Call Me Betsy Braddock

*Don't Read Into This.

It's just my favorite Police song :)

It's The Third Annual Corey Christmas Tradition!

It's time to decorate the tree and shove a branch up Bumble's ass!

Me: (4:46:34 PM) i'm retiring the side-ponytail
Andee: (4:47:12 PM) dont you ever say that to me again
Andee: (4:47:32 PM) who do you think you are?
Me: (4:47:42 PM) it's just
Andee: (4:47:44 PM) you just broke my heart
Andee: (4:47:46 PM) dont
Andee: (4:47:51 PM) just dont.
Andee: (4:48:06 PM) i need to pretend you didnt say that
Me: (4:48:16 PM) but
Andee: (4:48:21 PM) shhhhhh

Can't. Stop. Watching.

This happened very late last Saturday night, in good company.

All Day Long

I can't stop.



Stiff Little Fingers, you're always there when I need you.

Care Package

I had a really shitty day, then I received a care package tonight from a friend.



Jar Contents:
An Interesting Cookie
A Purple Cowboy Bracelet
A Triceratops Figurine
Trojan Ultra Thin Condom
A Bullet
A Lock of Her Hair


I Get By With A Little Help From My Friends.

Really?

Funny, I don't recall driving my DeLorean.

NO!

What do you MEAN, I will be missing Judas Priest?!



Damnit, I had my leather daddy outfit picked out, too. Hrmph.

Phenomenal.

Glenn Danzig On Books.

"Ooooh. Welcome to my book collection. This is just part of my book collection. I've got all kinds of stuff here. Here you go, "The Werewolf" by Montague Summers. This is great. There's lots of great werewolf stories in here. They're all documented, all true. And um, there's one in particular that's great, where they're looking for this guy who's accused of being a werewolf...and he comes out of this clearing, shaking a baby in his mouth. That's pretty cool." - Glenn Danzig

Why Do I Do These Things?

The Side-Pony Strikes Back!

Be A Doll.

W.W.D.J.D.?

Simmer Down!

Because sometimes, you just need a little ska in your life!

Real Cool.

Oh Paul.

You broke my heart, you slut.



Ok, I forgive you.

He's Ok.

My dad's surgery was a success.

Ouch.

It's Just A GBH Kind Of Day.

I Belong To The Blank Generation.

Yes, and yes.

Ain't That The Truth?

Jen: So I'm thinking I'm gonna run home and change.

Andee: Yeah bro! Jean vest night!

Jen: I'm just going to dress and act like DeeDee Ramone. Can you shoot heroin into my vagina wherever we go? That way, no one will see my track marks.

Andee: Of course i will. I'm gonna do blow with my eyes.

Good Morning, South Florida!

HOW TO: DAH and KUHLUR YO HURR

Jen McGrath, this one's for you, girl.

I Miss My Mommy.

This is one of those songs that makes me think of driving down the New Jersey turnpike with my mom, in the convertible, with the top down.

Next stop, "Tears Of A Clown."

Don't Hate.

Why Am I Awake?

I'm about to Bikini Kill myself. Aaahhh!

Eu Quero Apagar.

Oh Yeah? Clap.

All I want to do is graduate from high school, go to Europe, marry Christian Slater, and die. Now it may not sound too great to a sconehead like you, but I think it's swell. And you come along and tell me I'm a member of the hairy mole club so you can throw things at me? 

I don't THINK so.

Let's Make Out.

RIP Steve

See you on the other side, handsome.

She Would Be SO Proud.

Thanks, Mom. I know you were there this week. I love you.

мальчики пляжа

A enemigo que huye, puente de plata.

So Glad To See You!

Oh, how I missed you so!

Save The Fireboats!

Have you ever been on a boat, and gotten a fish hook in your eye? Have you ever been on a boat, and had it catch on fire with your family below deck? Have you ever needed a paramedic to save you? Well, if we allow Mayor Carlos Gimenez to take away our Miami Dade Fireboats, you'll be shit out of luck because the Coast Guard isn't trained to help you. Did you know Miami is #1 in recreational boating? Visit this site and Click the box to email all Commissioners, so we can stop this ridiculous nonsense. Take a minute to do the right thing, and to help the men and women who help YOU when you need it.

CLICK HERE TO SEND AN EMAIL TO MIAMI COMMISSIONERS!

Dinner For Schmucks.

Jen: Let's go get dinner tomorrow night.
Andee: Can we wear gowns?
Jen: Absolutely.

Oh Shit.

Thank you, Andee.

Shake it!

This song makes me shake my butt at work.



I love this broad! She must be the lovechild of Pauline Black and James Brown.

Go To Bed, Brain.

My body fell asleep 2 hours ago, but my brain is putting up a hell of a fight.

Ritz, get off my back.

Carpe Dior!

gimme!

Late World

I remember being outraged that this was cancelled...I think I still am.

Happy Birthday, Michael Ian Black!

"If you don't like AC/DC, stuffing your fat face full of tacos, playing fucking taco piñata, swimming in crystal clear taco fart free waters, and waving around fucking kentucky bluegrass sparklers, then stay home and suck on your grandma's fucking tit, 'cause this is not the fucking party for you." -Michael Ian Black

I Just Kicked It Into Dark Phoenix Mode.

If Only...

RIP Bubba Smith

RIP Bubba Smith, NFL Star and Actor

Kantoi

RIP Amy Winehouse

Poor Amy. This really breaks my heart.

Oh, Severus.

Why couldn't Harry be the lovechild of Snape and Lily?



ps. I already got the 8th Street bootleg version. Yeah, I went there.

Inbred Werepanthers

Anyone who has an "uncle-daddy" grosses me out.



Bill Compton...no excuse! Eww, but I'm so excited to see Mona...not that excited to see Horny Patty, however. Leave Pam alone, I love her.

All this vampire fuckery is making me miss Boardwalk Empire.

Eric Meekus Northman

You will always be my favorite Orange Mocha Frappucinno drinking Male Model, who likes to get in freak gasoline fight accidents, and who doesn't believe that you didn't believe that you thought it was a joke, or that you should ride in on that scooter like you're so cool. Thank you for helping people by teaching them how to dress cool, how to wear their hair in interesting ways, and for being really, really, really, really, ridiculously good-looking. Zoolander Forever.

RIP Mike

My friend Mike Hamilton was viciously murdered this weekend. He was brutally attacked in his home in Coral Springs on Sunday morning. Mike was a really sweet guy, and a loyal friend. We went to high school together, and it's completely mind-boggling to think of this happening to someone I know. Mike was a total sweetheart, and whoever did this to him needs to be in jail. If you have any information on his death, PLEASE call:

Detective Brian Koenig

954-346-1229

I'll always remember laying on his dock in the middle of the lake (it detached and became a makeshift boat), looking up at the stars and not having a care in the world.

You're awesome, Mike. I'm so glad I had the pleasure of being your friend.

For more information, Click here:
ARTICLE

I'm in love with Natalia Tena.

I want to have her babies.

Happy Birthday, Will Arnett!

I wish I was in that tub.

The Dress Wasn't All That Anyway.

Look at that evil cherub!



"The king/queen thing, we definitely knew that was foolish, and did not want our leaders coming from a long line of cousin-fuckers."
-Bill Maher.

Game Of Thrones

Arya & Jon Snow. Fuck yes.